The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Randomize
