Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
