Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
We are two peas in an std pod
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
