I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
