Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
