He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
