O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Randomize