There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
