If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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