if i can run in heels then i can drive
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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