I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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