Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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