u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
