The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
How does it feel to date your dad?
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Randomize
