a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize