There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Randomize
