Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
