what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
