You can't special order awesome
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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