I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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