He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
