ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize