How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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