So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
