She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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