You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
