You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
