yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
