I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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