I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
