And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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