i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Randomize
