i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
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