she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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