it's too hot outside to masturbate.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
