$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
