Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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