Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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