i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
