He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
