I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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