I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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