dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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