brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize