so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Randomize
