I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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