that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
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