Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
