similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Green mimosas i think yes
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
