if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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