My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
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