I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
we're so committed to being not committed
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
