i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
