i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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