News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
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