I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
