I wish I could punch you in the face.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
All the doctor said was why
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
