dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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