Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
