so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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