i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
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