Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
MIDGETS
????
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
