I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize