Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
