Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
FUCK WHALES
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
