I wanna passion pit in your ass
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
