i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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