I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
