remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize