Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
