We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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