dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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