I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
