i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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