I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
