I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
This is my gift to your gina
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
