I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Randomize
