They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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