dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
