I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize