I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
This is my gift to your gina
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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