does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
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