But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
