So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
