once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
