I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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