I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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