So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
