I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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