Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
