Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
