just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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