you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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