Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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