It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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