Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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