Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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