he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
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