Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
