do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
