I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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