I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
