Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
So here I am, sexting at work.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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