Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
