So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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