in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
