At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
