Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Randomize
