remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
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